Nobody Likes a Whiner!

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I want to start off by saying this before you read any further  — Yes, this is me, Aurelia Williams, but I am about to tackle an issue from an entirely different angle than what you may be used to seeing on this site.

I am standing on my soap box screaming “Mom’s, stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults”!!  Let’s be honest, who likes whiny and weak adults?!?

Now that I have said that, I want you to know that I am the proud mother of 3 children (ages 24, 20 and 12) and I also raised my brother through his preteen and teen years.  You don’t have to tell me how sharp the claws of a mama bear can be (because my claws are sharp) but I have to say — there are times that moms need to retract their claws!

Think about it — if you always run to your child’s side, fight their battles and fix everything for them, how will they ever learn to stand up for themselves and figure things out?

Let’s think about it:  Here are the results of fighting all of your child battles:

  1. They become and stay weak.
  2. They miss out on learning valuable life skills.
  3. They will always need you to “fix” things for them.
  4. They become a TARGET because others will know that they are weak.
  5. They become whiny adults!

Need I go on?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to just throw your child to the wolves and hope that some animal instincts kick in but moms must start to equip their children with the tools that they need to deal with the problems of today.

Bullying, communication issues, peer conflicts and more are just waiting out there for your child and guess what mom, you can’t be there at all times.

It is important to teach your child to be assertive and confident now so that those skills can remain within them and grow as they grow.  Please note that there is a huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive.Assertiveness is letting people know what your wants and needs are; aggressiveness is when you strongly impose those wants and needs on others.

Now, I will climb down from my soapbox and tell you that I am so passionate about this message and I truly want to help you help your child to be strong and confident.   I also want to help you to know when to step up and help them fight and when to sit back and be that coach that is in the corner with the water bottle and towel to cool them off after a battle.

I’ve organized a totally free coaching class where I will share strategies with you that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles your kids face.

Hop on over to http://www.reallifecoaching.net/class and sign up. Did I mention it is free?  Sign up and perhaps there will be just one less whining adult in the world because of it.

Comments

16 Responses to “Nobody Likes a Whiner!”

  1. Kelly McCausey on January 10th, 2012 3:18 am

    Oh Aurelia! You know every instinct I have always cried out to protect my son as he grew up – and I know there were times when I stepped in too fast to solve a problem for him.

    Thankfully I had good friends who helped me to see this wasn’t good. I remember the first time I let him ‘fight his own battle’ while I stood by in quiet support. I was SO proud of him!

    I know a lot of moms NEED your help with this. Being over protective is a hard habit to break :)

  2. Grace on January 11th, 2012 1:26 am

    Aurelia,

    You have given great advice here. As a mom of twelve, I have had the chance to see the “end result” with some of my kids. Our mama bear instincts are sometimes hard to supress, but often it is much more beneficial for us to let our children learn how to problem solve. They will win some and lose some, but learn lessons both ways.

    Most adults have attended the school of hard knocks, and for the most part, it just makes us stronger. When they are little, they run into the same personality types that they will have to deal with in the adult world and developing coping skills is so important. Keep on helping moms everywhere, we all need it.
    Grace´s last post ..Start a Bakery Business

  3. Bess Blanco on January 11th, 2012 10:29 am

    This is a tough one…so happy to see you are offering a class on this! Can’t wait for more help on this very tough topic!

  4. Aurelia on January 11th, 2012 11:10 am

    Thanks Kelly!! — It really does make a mom proud to see their child solve a problem or fight a good battle!!

  5. Aurelia on January 11th, 2012 11:14 am

    Hi Grace — thanks for commenting! WOW Mom of 12! I totally agree that those mama bear instincts are hard to keep down… believe me I know :-)

    Times are so very different for our children now compared to when I was a child. Back in the day I remember fighing most of my battles and wondering why mom wasn’t at my side ALL of the time. Nowadays when I am at the school picking up my son I hear those mama bears out there complaining about everthing and telling other mama bears just what the did to tell a teacher off because their “little Jimmy or Jane” came home to complain about something small.

    I hope you make it to the free webinar on the 2nd of Feb!
    Aurelia´s last post ..Nobody Likes a Whiner!

  6. Parenting My Teen Podcast Show #51 | Parenting My Teen on January 16th, 2012 2:01 am

    [...] been blogging about this topic for the past week and my most recent blog entry ‘Nobody Likes a Whiner‘ has sparked up quite a good [...]

  7. Jessie on January 19th, 2012 12:27 pm

    I find that it can be very hard to step back and let my kids work it out on their own. Now that my daughter is in school, I am finally realizing that I just can’t be there 24/7 and she has to work it out on her own. We have already run into a situation where she was being teased for wearing dresses/skirts, and she was pretty upset about it. We did some role playing, and she very happily came home the next day and told me that she stood up to the girl picking on her. I am happy to say that she has successfully resolved her own problem – I was so very proud of her!

    While it was hard for me to take a back seat and let her handle it, I know that it will do wonders for her confidence and that it will help her grow into a stronger and self-reliant adult.

    And I completely agree with you – NO one likes a whiner! (especially a whiny adult!!)
    Jessie´s last post ..I need your help and support!! Please help me become the next Mamavation Mom!!

  8. Monica on January 19th, 2012 12:31 pm

    I love this! My oldest daughter is the same age as your youngest. I have always asked my kids when they come home complaining about something that happened at school, well did you tell an adult at school? The answer is usually no. So I tell them well at this point there is nothing I can do. Once they have exhausted all of their options (talking it out with offending child, told an adult other than me) and there’s still a problem I will get involved. But first you need to stand up for yourself. And it’s hard to do sometimes. Sometimes I would really like to ring the little snot’s neck that called my child a poopy head, but since I’m not there and can’t be there for everything they need to learn the process of dealing with this themselves.
    Monica´s last post ..Revamping bedrooms

  9. Aurelia on January 19th, 2012 1:54 pm

    LOL @ the “Ringing the little Snot’s Neck” comment but I think all moms have been there at one time or another Monica!! I love the way that you allow your child to express their frustrations THEN ask them about what THEY did to address it. To many times parents just jump into ‘ATTACK’ mode before talking to their child about ways they can handle certain situations.

    Thanks for reading & commenting! I hope you will be at the seminar on Feb 2nd!

  10. Aurelia on January 19th, 2012 1:56 pm

    Hi there Jessie and thanks for commenting! I *LOVE* that you role play with your daughter. That is a super way to expose them to difficult situations in a loving nurturing way! Way to go for her sticking up for herself! I do hope you will join us for the February 2nd free coaching class on this topic!

  11. Kristina Salin on January 19th, 2012 3:56 pm

    Great advice Aurelia. I am new at the mommy game but I already see how valuable it is to let my twins fight it out (whatever it is) between them! Within reason of course :)
    Kristina Salin´s last post ..I Find Blizzards Strangely Soothing

  12. Chacoy on January 23rd, 2012 3:05 pm

    I have also been on both ends before! I am so glad that as a single mom to 1(one) son that I have learned when to step in and when not too!
    He has come a long way and I am proud to say that he has done great in being able to stick up for himself when he needs to.
    I have always taught him to kill them with kindness but sometimes you can’t keep being nice to someone who keeps being rude*(everyone has a breaking point) so I knew when I got the phone call that he had returned the torment, I was glad yet disappointed that they were going to now punish my son for it(since he had been reporting it since the 3rd grade.)
    Needless to say I was proud of my son and me for doing what needed to be done!

    Thanks for sharing this eye-opening post!
    Chacoy´s last post ..Ocean Spray® Fruit Flavored Snacks {Giveaway-4 Winners} #MyBlogSpark

  13. Aurelia on January 23rd, 2012 3:11 pm

    Thanks for sharing Chacoy! Isn’t it great to see our children stand up for themselves when needed. Congrats to you for giving your son the tools he needs to handle things!

    Aurelia
    Aurelia´s last post ..Learning To Love Yourself More

  14. Christine Holroyd on January 28th, 2012 11:00 am

    Great post Aurelia. Charlotte my one and only is 6. I have been teaching her to speak up to others and tell them to stop what they are doing or saying and walk away. Well, She has been doing that since about the age of 4, but at this age the offender will follow her, so there goes my teaching out the window. Grrr! But I will persist.

    I hope you cover shyness, too because Charlotte is super shy with strangers and even some of my friends still, so speaking up when you’re shy is very hard especially at 6. Does your class mostly cover older kids? And will there be a recording? Being on the other side of the world can make it challenging to attend.
    Christine Holroyd´s last post ..Inspirational People In My Life

  15. Aurelia on January 29th, 2012 1:10 am

    Thanks for your comment Christine. Charlotte sounds like a very sweet little girl and I would just keep encouraging her to speak up for herself. You can use Role playing too to act out how she feels around strangers as well. There will be a recording of the class and my strategies will be usesful for children of all ages. I hope that you signed up to participate.
    Aurelia´s last post ..Nobody Likes a Whiner!

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